Ok...ok time to 'fess' up...you may have noticed that my ticker hasn't moved at all in the last 4 weeks...well that's because I am petrified to hop on the scales. I have had a really rough time this month a whole heap of things have been going on and are still ongoing and i must admit I have let myself go some...obviously with the lap-band there is a limit as to how much I can physically let myself go, but I have been eating more OFTEN than I have in the past...GRRR and biscuits too!
At the moment I just don't think I am strong enough to suffer the disappointment of seeing that little ticker go UP not DOWN. I am depressed. I know that. I have these really compulsive behaviours when I am down and out...my indicator over the past few weeks is my obsession with the internet. At the moment I can't live without it 24/7 I wake up at 9.30am spend the whole day on the internet...apart from mealtimes and go to bed at 2-3am in the morning. Now that has got to be unhealthy...my poor children have lost a mother... I have found 'The Wiggles' to be a great babysitter.
But, you know...although I KNOW its unhealthy behaviour it seems I am incapable of stopping it. Even now that I am writing this it is 12am and I don't think I'll get to bed till after 1am, probably 2am if I start getting emails from programmers on the opposite side of the time zone that are working on my various website projects at present. The internet has become my life at the moment. The 'real world' for me this month has just been disappointment after disappointment. People that I was close to have let me down... my finances are still in the red, my X is still an arsehole and on top of that I have lost my son to him for a week...probably just as well, I am in no fit state to be a mom at present. At least that's how I feel.
My family say I am a 'Drama Queen' but all I see is that nothing good seems to come to me...or just when I think something great is just around the corner it gets snatched from me. At the beginning of march...good things were starting to happen, I had a man that appreciated me, I was taking on a business partner...someone I would trust with my life, my business project Sizexchange was just about to take flight, I was starting to loose weight again (after what seemed like a never ending plateau), I just felt GOOD about myself...'FLAB-U-LESS'... actually. But now its all a different story...People, that I was close to, have disappeared off the face of the earth with no reason, development seems to be stalled with my various web projects...I am under pressure on all sides business wise and personally my impending 'settlement' court case with my X which is on Thursday has also been a big concern of mine. Nothing good is coming my way...and now the scales...I just cant bring myself round to face yet another disappointment. You know, I am sick and tired of struggling. I just wish good things would actually EVENTUATE in my life rather than being held out there like a lolly pop, teasing me, just to be taken away again. I guess, truth be told I am not coping as well as I ought. No wonder I am officially an 'internet-aholic'.
At the moment I just don't think I am strong enough to suffer the disappointment of seeing that little ticker go UP not DOWN. I am depressed. I know that. I have these really compulsive behaviours when I am down and out...my indicator over the past few weeks is my obsession with the internet. At the moment I can't live without it 24/7 I wake up at 9.30am spend the whole day on the internet...apart from mealtimes and go to bed at 2-3am in the morning. Now that has got to be unhealthy...my poor children have lost a mother... I have found 'The Wiggles' to be a great babysitter.
But, you know...although I KNOW its unhealthy behaviour it seems I am incapable of stopping it. Even now that I am writing this it is 12am and I don't think I'll get to bed till after 1am, probably 2am if I start getting emails from programmers on the opposite side of the time zone that are working on my various website projects at present. The internet has become my life at the moment. The 'real world' for me this month has just been disappointment after disappointment. People that I was close to have let me down... my finances are still in the red, my X is still an arsehole and on top of that I have lost my son to him for a week...probably just as well, I am in no fit state to be a mom at present. At least that's how I feel.
My family say I am a 'Drama Queen' but all I see is that nothing good seems to come to me...or just when I think something great is just around the corner it gets snatched from me. At the beginning of march...good things were starting to happen, I had a man that appreciated me, I was taking on a business partner...someone I would trust with my life, my business project Sizexchange was just about to take flight, I was starting to loose weight again (after what seemed like a never ending plateau), I just felt GOOD about myself...'FLAB-U-LESS'... actually. But now its all a different story...People, that I was close to, have disappeared off the face of the earth with no reason, development seems to be stalled with my various web projects...I am under pressure on all sides business wise and personally my impending 'settlement' court case with my X which is on Thursday has also been a big concern of mine. Nothing good is coming my way...and now the scales...I just cant bring myself round to face yet another disappointment. You know, I am sick and tired of struggling. I just wish good things would actually EVENTUATE in my life rather than being held out there like a lolly pop, teasing me, just to be taken away again. I guess, truth be told I am not coping as well as I ought. No wonder I am officially an 'internet-aholic'.
Oh Bugger!...I made a pact with myself that I would keep my posts on Finding Flabuless, ligh-hearted and cheerfull...well...I didn't want to scare you all off...but...you know...Hey, what is recorded above is ME the real Flabuless up close and personal, warts and all. The problem with being a person full of 'passion' and 'energy' is that when your UP your up so high that no-one can touch you but when your really, really down. I know I'll survive...but that's exactly my point...I don't want to just go through life just 'surviving' as I have been to date...I want to go through life 'flourishing' in leaps and bounds.
Do you know what I mean? Drop me a line if you do...I could do with some cheering up at present... Yes, Yes, this is a shameless and desperate call for support and encouragement.
Do you know what I mean? Drop me a line if you do...I could do with some cheering up at present... Yes, Yes, this is a shameless and desperate call for support and encouragement.
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