Yes, I am still around. I have realised just how much my 'Internet Obsession' was ruling my life so I decided to take a few days to organise my life. Even I admit, I was pretty compulsive; checking my e-mails every 10 minutes, working on my various 'projects' for about 15 hours of my day...I barely had time to keep my home in order and spend time with my kids. So I have set up a system now that balances my time and specifically my interaction with the two great loves of my life namely 'The WWW' and my Children!
I have designed a Family 'Star Chart' for us and every time I participate in family activity, fulfil my house chores, balance my time spent on 'work' with that of the time spent with my children, go for my daily walk etc. etc... I get a 'Star'. My kids get stars for 'obedience', doing some chores, and also 'bonus' stars for going to bed nicely or doing something special for each other. It's been quite fun actually, cause every night we have a 'star ceremony' where we talk together about who deserves what and put the stars up on our chart. My son is very good at telling me whether I 'DESERVE' my stars for the day and for the most part I honour his perspective on how involved I have been with them each day. He is only 3.5 but sometimes I feel like he's 3.5 going on 40! For me its a way I can get my life in order and start taking control instead of just complaining constantly cause I am barely 'surviving' the daily grind.
Any way, enough excuses for my absence! We've all heard the term 'Racist' well...How about 'Fatist'. I have been talking to a good mate about what it means to be a 'Fatist'.
It was funny, as we were discussing whether we would be friends with a fat person, give someone a job who was overweight etc etc., associate or socialise with someone who was more than a bit on the 'chubby side'. The answers were easy...of course!!!! However, when we came to the question of whether we would date a 'fat' man things got a bit sticky.
As you all know, I tend to be attracted to your athletic, muscular, 'eye candy' types. Even now, I actually couldn't imagine myself with someone like myself, who was morbidly obese. Once I reach my goal, I don't see that changing...so my answer to this initially was probably not, no way, never! hehehe!
My friend was horrified, I mean surely the fact that I had been 'A Big Arse Momma' should make me more 'Tolerant' / 'Accepting' of men in my position. Sure I am, mostly, on a social basis I wouldn't discriminate fat vs slim but when it comes to the people you date/have a relationship with there is a bit more involved....i.e. that elusive 'Chemistry'.
My justification was also that I am actively trying to look after my body, live a healthy life, exercise etc etc. To be with someone who didn't have the same values and was content to just 'be' and live in 'slobbish' ways (ie fat in 'mind', as well as body!...) Not that I am saying that is the 'Norm' with all fat men...but I need someone to help me, egg me on someone who I want to be slim for, more importantly with a body that I can drool over and be inspired by...Its no secret that I am looking forward to the excitement of sex minus the huffing and puffing out of exertion! and to have someone that could do ALL the moves, every which way...Ahhhhh Heaven! That Really, Really Really Appeals. So ok...maybe I am a 'Fatist'...Can you blame me?
I will say one thing though....I am a sucker for 'eyes' above everything else. I communicated with a couple of guys on a chat site recently and they had 'amazing' eyes...that literally sent my heart pounding just by gazing into them...never did get to see their body, this was probably deliberate...although their profiles DID say BODY TYPE:
I have designed a Family 'Star Chart' for us and every time I participate in family activity, fulfil my house chores, balance my time spent on 'work' with that of the time spent with my children, go for my daily walk etc. etc... I get a 'Star'. My kids get stars for 'obedience', doing some chores, and also 'bonus' stars for going to bed nicely or doing something special for each other. It's been quite fun actually, cause every night we have a 'star ceremony' where we talk together about who deserves what and put the stars up on our chart. My son is very good at telling me whether I 'DESERVE' my stars for the day and for the most part I honour his perspective on how involved I have been with them each day. He is only 3.5 but sometimes I feel like he's 3.5 going on 40! For me its a way I can get my life in order and start taking control instead of just complaining constantly cause I am barely 'surviving' the daily grind.
Any way, enough excuses for my absence! We've all heard the term 'Racist' well...How about 'Fatist'. I have been talking to a good mate about what it means to be a 'Fatist'.
It was funny, as we were discussing whether we would be friends with a fat person, give someone a job who was overweight etc etc., associate or socialise with someone who was more than a bit on the 'chubby side'. The answers were easy...of course!!!! However, when we came to the question of whether we would date a 'fat' man things got a bit sticky.
As you all know, I tend to be attracted to your athletic, muscular, 'eye candy' types. Even now, I actually couldn't imagine myself with someone like myself, who was morbidly obese. Once I reach my goal, I don't see that changing...so my answer to this initially was probably not, no way, never! hehehe!
My friend was horrified, I mean surely the fact that I had been 'A Big Arse Momma' should make me more 'Tolerant' / 'Accepting' of men in my position. Sure I am, mostly, on a social basis I wouldn't discriminate fat vs slim but when it comes to the people you date/have a relationship with there is a bit more involved....i.e. that elusive 'Chemistry'.
My justification was also that I am actively trying to look after my body, live a healthy life, exercise etc etc. To be with someone who didn't have the same values and was content to just 'be' and live in 'slobbish' ways (ie fat in 'mind', as well as body!...) Not that I am saying that is the 'Norm' with all fat men...but I need someone to help me, egg me on someone who I want to be slim for, more importantly with a body that I can drool over and be inspired by...Its no secret that I am looking forward to the excitement of sex minus the huffing and puffing out of exertion! and to have someone that could do ALL the moves, every which way...Ahhhhh Heaven! That Really, Really Really Appeals. So ok...maybe I am a 'Fatist'...Can you blame me?
I will say one thing though....I am a sucker for 'eyes' above everything else. I communicated with a couple of guys on a chat site recently and they had 'amazing' eyes...that literally sent my heart pounding just by gazing into them...never did get to see their body, this was probably deliberate...although their profiles DID say BODY TYPE:
ATHLETIC
...you just never know. Everyone Lies....I mean...I can talk...on that answer I have skipped the 'Bountifully Cuddly' option and put AVERAGE...hehehe well in the US overweight and plus size women are
THE AVERAGE
so I am not lying technically...But anyway back to my point....I don't know what it is about eyes but they soooo.... turn me on, so I guess failing the 'body' test if you have nice eyes and send me a pic of them you just might be lucky.
2 comments:
Interesting post. You taste in men is similar to mine. Part is environment and part is, like you mentioned, an interest in people who share my priorities.
The environment part comes from my frustration growing up as one of the fattest kids in my class.
When puberty hit, my peers just assumed me and the fattest boy should date. Nobody ever asked either of us if we were attracted to each other, or if we even wanted to breathe the same air.
The truth was we hated each other. He was a bully who loved to tell me what a fat cow I was. And I was a smart ass who lifted his PE record and didn't mind telling him he weighed 80 pounds more than me so if I was a cow, he wasn't much better.
It was very clear to me from an early age that people expected likes to pair off. So it was easier for me not to date.
Then I met my husband when I was 16. At 17 years old, he was 6-3 and 127 pounds. He was far from the muscle-bound ideal mate I had created in my mind, but he loved me because of me vs. in spite of me. He loved my curves, he never said anything unkind about my experience and never nagged my eating -- he melted my heart.
It's been close to 14 years since we first met. He's grown a couple of inches and gained 40 pounds (still a bean pole, but a muscular one). I gained 100+ pounds before having WLS and losing almost 200. But some things never change. He still loves and is attracted to me, but his ideal woman is a size 20 or 22. I still love his rippling six-pack abs, and I feel we're a more visually matched couple now (we used to look like Mutt and Jeff).
The moral of the story, though, is that we are all allowed personal preference. Nobody bats an eyelash when a muscle-bound jock won't give a fat girl the time of day but our society frowns upon that same fat girl if she turns down any offers as if she should fall to the ground in gratitude that any man dare glance her way. The fact is that we all deserve mates who make us feel sexy and who we find sexy in return.
Too...True! It is a form of Fatism isn't it...the way people just expect us all to stick to each other...just like we (generally) expect other racial groups to stick with their racial peers. No one expects the 'fat chick' to even have a chance with a 'bill board' undies model! hehehe I should be so lucky. You are lucky woman to have found such an accepting partner...despite the fact that he is not 'muscle bound' hehehe
:)
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