I was talking to a good mate about my weight recently and he surprised me by asking, straight out, how many years I had suffered from depression. His take on it was, "U are too hyper to be naturally overweight...so it's pain .... to my thinking at least...people telling U that U were worthless, so U lost lost respect in yerself...cause yer mentality is waaaayyy hyper". The more I thought about what he said...the more I realised he may have a point. Most of my weight gain has happened over the last 10 years as I have gone in and out of bad and abusive relationships.
As always, a faithful mentor, in about 5 min he had literally liberated me, helping me to see my weight gain in a whole new light. For so long, I had been so self loathing and beating myself up for my lack of self control, and blamed myself for being a pig. On face value...that was all true...I am not trying to make excuses for the decisions that I did have control over (ie what and how much I should eat), that had a direct affect on my weight gain... but his observations lead me to dig a bit deeper and I now realise that there were other contributing factors, outside of my control, that also lead to my demise. It was a lethal cocktail, of depression, self loathing combined with the medical condition of hypothyroidism...with these 'in play' I really stood no chance.
But knowledge is power and now, knowing what I do, I have this opportunity to turn my life/weight around. There is no use, wallowing in self pity...that will take me nowhere. It is of up-most importance for me to do the 'mind work' as well as the 'body work' to understand my emotional triggers so that I can turn things around and never again feel the 'need' to resort to old bad habits despite WHAT may be going on in my life at any given time. If I don't do the 'mind work' now 5 years from now I will most likely be back in the same position i was 2 years ago...as depressing as that is...
As always, a faithful mentor, in about 5 min he had literally liberated me, helping me to see my weight gain in a whole new light. For so long, I had been so self loathing and beating myself up for my lack of self control, and blamed myself for being a pig. On face value...that was all true...I am not trying to make excuses for the decisions that I did have control over (ie what and how much I should eat), that had a direct affect on my weight gain... but his observations lead me to dig a bit deeper and I now realise that there were other contributing factors, outside of my control, that also lead to my demise. It was a lethal cocktail, of depression, self loathing combined with the medical condition of hypothyroidism...with these 'in play' I really stood no chance.
But knowledge is power and now, knowing what I do, I have this opportunity to turn my life/weight around. There is no use, wallowing in self pity...that will take me nowhere. It is of up-most importance for me to do the 'mind work' as well as the 'body work' to understand my emotional triggers so that I can turn things around and never again feel the 'need' to resort to old bad habits despite WHAT may be going on in my life at any given time. If I don't do the 'mind work' now 5 years from now I will most likely be back in the same position i was 2 years ago...as depressing as that is...
2 comments:
Hi Flabuless.
I very recently joined Calorie-Count.com and read a post you made there. I looked at your pics of the journey you have been on and you are doing GREAT!! You are a very beautiful woman as well. I have just started to read your blog and will continue to do so.... and I encourage you to hang in there always. Fight all the struggles and never give up. Life is a lesson and we don't learn everything until the end...so always keep the flabulessly open mind as you have just discovered a new piece to the puzzle ( the depression angle) There will always be pieces to the puzzle that we find as we walk down the road of life. My profile on calorie-count is steveo1959
Thanks for the inspiration!!
Thanks so much steveo! I will keep an eye out for you on calorie-count. I love your advice on life...I was very encouraged Thank you...
:)
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