Well, the good news is that today I went for my usual 5mile walk! Its been awhile...but I needed to punch the air a bit...so my motivation for walking wasn't all that 'healthy'.
Last night I received a phone call at 12.30am from my X...he starts off the conversation "Now Flabuless, I have something to tell you but I want you to understand that I am not trying to manipulate you and I don't want anything from you...but there is something I need to say..." Oh here we go!...I hold my breath waiting for the inevitable...I want you to bring my kids back to Australia...but it didn't come...instead he says. "I am really sorry for everything I put you through!" Hmmmm...now how was I supposed to answer to that one?..."What everything?" I ask. I am a firm believer that if a person is truly sorry for something they can list, exactly, what they are sorry about...that shows they have thought about it and mean it. "I don't want to get into it" he responds...hmmm typical "...I just needed to tell you I'm sorry...I needed to get it off my chest"
Well...I am glad HE feels better (argh...cynical for them that don't know). Now that he is being NICE to me...supposedly...I am supposed to forgive him and welcome it with open arms...Sorry M8, apologies, no matter how sincerely said, just don't cut it...too little too late if you ask me.
I must admit though, I am disturbed by it! Deep down I am sure that there is some kind of hidden agenda behind it...4 years of living with a consummate liar and manipulator has given me more than my fair share of reserve as to his 'genuine intent'... and now what am I supposed to make of that...considering all that I have received from him since our separation has been abuse and harassment, and WHO has he been talking to...is his lawyer telling him to try and suck up to me so that I will be so blind sighted that I will ALLOW them to rob me blind when we go to court in May. I have already been robbed of 4 years of my life, my self esteem, my dignity, and my sense of personal safety! What more does he want from me? What more is left to take? The kids? Somehow it is easier...to handle him when he is being an arsehole I get ANGRY and that is good...it actually keeps me clear headed about all that he DID do to me. But why, when he changes tune and starts being nice, does it feel wrong somehow to still be ANGRY at him. My first instinct is to forgive him and make peace (perhaps my Christian upbringing,) but my gut tells me to BEWARE and protect myself and my children from the onslaught that I feel is about to be unleashed. Oh well, time will tell. We shall see what his 'game' is. In the meantime, I will continue punching the air.
Last night I received a phone call at 12.30am from my X...he starts off the conversation "Now Flabuless, I have something to tell you but I want you to understand that I am not trying to manipulate you and I don't want anything from you...but there is something I need to say..." Oh here we go!...I hold my breath waiting for the inevitable...I want you to bring my kids back to Australia...but it didn't come...instead he says. "I am really sorry for everything I put you through!" Hmmmm...now how was I supposed to answer to that one?..."What everything?" I ask. I am a firm believer that if a person is truly sorry for something they can list, exactly, what they are sorry about...that shows they have thought about it and mean it. "I don't want to get into it" he responds...hmmm typical "...I just needed to tell you I'm sorry...I needed to get it off my chest"
Well...I am glad HE feels better (argh...cynical for them that don't know). Now that he is being NICE to me...supposedly...I am supposed to forgive him and welcome it with open arms...Sorry M8, apologies, no matter how sincerely said, just don't cut it...too little too late if you ask me.
I must admit though, I am disturbed by it! Deep down I am sure that there is some kind of hidden agenda behind it...4 years of living with a consummate liar and manipulator has given me more than my fair share of reserve as to his 'genuine intent'... and now what am I supposed to make of that...considering all that I have received from him since our separation has been abuse and harassment, and WHO has he been talking to...is his lawyer telling him to try and suck up to me so that I will be so blind sighted that I will ALLOW them to rob me blind when we go to court in May. I have already been robbed of 4 years of my life, my self esteem, my dignity, and my sense of personal safety! What more does he want from me? What more is left to take? The kids? Somehow it is easier...to handle him when he is being an arsehole I get ANGRY and that is good...it actually keeps me clear headed about all that he DID do to me. But why, when he changes tune and starts being nice, does it feel wrong somehow to still be ANGRY at him. My first instinct is to forgive him and make peace (perhaps my Christian upbringing,) but my gut tells me to BEWARE and protect myself and my children from the onslaught that I feel is about to be unleashed. Oh well, time will tell. We shall see what his 'game' is. In the meantime, I will continue punching the air.
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